Aired on Spike TV, January 25, 2004

The pyro hits and the IWC Sunday Night Heat begins with your hosts, PWTorch’s own Derek Burgan and Bruce Mitchell.

Derek: "Good evening everybody, and welcome to Sunday IWC Heat! I'm Derek Burgan along with my partner, "Mojo" Bruce Mitchell. Bruce, we truly have an amazing show for the people out there that will all lead up to the annual tradition known as the IWC Rumble!"

Mojo: "Glad to be here, uh, who are you again?"

Derek: "I'm going to ignore that old man, and ask you, do believe the collection of internet superstars that is back there in that dressing room?"

Mojo: "Just as wrestling is sick with a culture of death, those locker rooms back there are sickeningly filled with over-inflated ego's devoid of talent, and full of really bad jokes..."

Derek: ***CoughBreckGirlCough***

Mojo: "...but, to be fair, there are a few diamonds in that rough and I hope that they shine bright tonight."

Derek: "That's to be seen. One thing’s for sure, many of these folks don’t like each other at all. For more on what exciting action you'll see tonight, let's throw it to Pat McNeill who's at the bar. Pat."

Pat: "Umprf. Munch. Eeerrpp."

Derek: "Okay, since Pat currently has a mouthful of chicken fingers, we'll throw it to 411's Jay Bower who's standing by in the back."

Jay: "Okay guys, I'm here with Dave Meltzer. Dave, you have been fuming for twelve long months over the fact that the Torch's Jason Powell came out victorious in last year's Rumble. What are your plans for tonight?"

Dave: "Let me ask you a question, Jay. Do you read the Observer?"

Jay: "I..."

Dave: "Of course you do. And what have you learned from reading those 25,000 to 35,000 words of text, which are roughly half the size of a book, that covers pro wrestling and sports entertainment around the world? You've learned that while incredibly stupid things may be written on the internet, I am the man that has influenced a generation and gotten so many ridiculous stories that were written straight. And tonight, in my 22nd year of being the leading insider of absolutely everything, I'm going to correct another wrong story -- and go figure it's from those punks at the Torch. It's the story of Jason Powell as the king of the IWC. Powell, you and Keller, and Ryder, and the other 26 Meltzer-wannabe's will pay for the sins of last year -- sort of like how WWE is paying for pulling talent up from OVW too early, as I've noted numerous times in my publication -- and I will ascend to the spot that I deserve as the 2004 IWC champion."

(Commercial Break)

Derek: "We're back, ladies and gentlemen. The IWC Rumble is coming up at the top of the hour. To show how important this event is, it's being beamed live to all parts of Latin America including Mexico, Puerto Rico, Los Angeles and Miami. Let's introduce our Spanish speaking announcers, Wrestling Observer.com's Alex Marvez and Puerto Rico TV show reviewer, Brian Jimenez!"

Alex & Brian: "Hola, amigos..."

Derek: "Okay, that's enough of that. I believe Pat McNeill has finally composed himself. Pat, we hear you have a special announcement."

Pat: "Derek, Bruce, I do indeed. I had no idea that it was only five bucks for 50 buffalo wings!"

Mojo: "Uh, isn't there an announcement about the Rumble, Pat?"

Pat: "Oh yeah, it is time to reveal the two names that will be doing battle to begin tonight's match. (Pat then pulls apart a giant mozzarella stick to reveal the first name) It's Scott Williams of the Wrestling Observer. His opponent will be, (He then dips his hand into the middle of a massive onion blossom to pull out the second name) 1wrestling's Mike Johnson! (Pat then slams his face into the blossom.)

Derek: Well, we know who'll start the Rumble, but we still don't know all the competitors. When we come back, we'll decide one of them as we'll have the Pro Wrestling Torch.com Lounge six-pack qualifier that will decide who advances. But first, let's throw it to Jay in the back."

Jay: "I'm here with the Pro Wrestling Torch.com's Mike Sempervive, who is not only in the Rumble, but is putting his Lounge career is on the line tonight in a Hell in the Cell bout against "The Wisconsin Dream" Dusty Giebink. Semp, don't you think you've taken the "trash talking" done by that young man to you in the Torch forums way too far by not only putting your writing career on the line, but also swindling him into this Hell in a Cell? I mean, he did make it clear that it was meant in fun.

Semp: "First of all, how great is this haircut? Seriously? Now, when it comes to little Dusty, I just want to prove a point to all the young chumps like him. I can remember back to when the punk first wrote me back in 2002. 'Oh, Mr. Sempervive, the Lounge is great! You're the best! One day I'm going to grow up and get a job writing there too!' After I chased the so-called 'Nastiest Lounge Bastard,' Uncle T out of here with his tail between his legs by grinding him through this very cell at IWC Armageddon last year, I told Wade Keller, 'Give the little boy a shot.' And how does he repay me? By talking trash and stealing my stuff? Well let me tell you something, punk. What I did to that broken down old man is nothing compared to the comeuppance that you have heading your way. Son, I'm not just going to beat you. I'm going to embarrass you. So contact your girlfriend, Mike Roe, or whoever your next of kin is, because they next time they see you, it will be in a body bag!"

(Commercial Break)

(back from break with the match already in progress)

(1) Marc Donmoyer def. Jeremy Maes, Sean Radican, Octavio Fierros, David Miller and Doron Barbalat in the Torch Lounge six-pack challenge qualifier for the IWC Rumble.

Miller immediately tries to turn the match into a “Memphis Concession Stand Stomp” and knocks himself out when he tries to lift a huge container of mustard over his head and it slips out of his hands and crashes down on him. Radican and Donmoyer start off the match.

Derek: These two have a blood feud dating back to a reference that dates back to a reference Donmoyer made to wrestling being comparable to a magic show, something Radican took exception to.

Mojo: Speaking of magic, I wish I could make myself disappear right about now. I do however understand what Marc was talking about. In fact I fondly remember the days of my father taking me up to New York, or Rich City as we south of the Mason Dixon line would call it back then, to see the wondrous acts of one Harry Houdini..

While Donmoyer and Radican were trading blows in the ring, Fierros jumped down off the ring apron and approached a fan in the stands who was holding up a sign that said, Octavio, you don’t know shit! When Fierros got close to the fan he realized it was it was D. Israel, the Trivia Guy at 1Wrestling.com! Israel jumped over the barricade and went toe to toe with Fierros until security dragged Israel away. Octavio followed security to the back and as soon as they released Israel outside the two went back at each other.

Back in the ring Radican had Donmoyer in a sharpshooter when all of a sudden everyone’s eyes darted to the entranceway. A group of men and women dressed as pirates started walking to the ring.

Derek: It’s the Scallywags!

Mojo: That sound you hear at home is Robert Louis Stephenson spinning in his grave.

At ringside, the two chick pirates strip down to their bra and panties. Seeing this, Maes and Barbalatt immediately go through puberty, pitch tents and run to the back in shame. The two men pirates ran into the ring and gave Radican a double Rock Bottom. Afterwards they dragged an unconscious Donmoyer and put him on top of Sean as the ref hit 1…2…3.

Mojo: Seriously, I really don't know who those guys were. Are you sure they write for the Torch?

Derek: Forget it. Let's go to Jay in the back with defending Rumble champion, Jason Powell and Torch Head Honcho, Wade Keller.

Jay: "Gentlemen, we heard from Dave Meltzer earlier. He not only says he's going to win the Rumble, he acts as though it's almost his birthright. What do you have to say about that?"

Jason: "What do we have to say? Listen up, I did it last year, and I'll do it again this year. I proved that the Pro Wrestling Torch is THE most dominant force in the entire internet Wrestling Community. People can take as many potshots at us as they want, but when it comes to news and information they all come crawling to do their cut and paste routine. We are the ultimate, we are the elite, and we don't need to print is type that is unreadable as we brag about containing information about some Japanese independent show that nobody cares about..."

Wade: "Listen up, Dave, and everyone else that's going to be in that ring tonight. No matter which one of us it is, rest assured, we will do what we've been doing since 1987, and that's lead the way..."

Jason: "Did you just cut me off? And what do you mean 'whichever one of us'? I'm winning it again!"

Wade: "Easy, big guy. I'm just saying if you don't..."

Jason: "Don't what? Don't what!"

(The two begin arguing and then move off camera)

Jay: "Well, as you can see. It's every man for himself!"

(Commercial Break)

Derek: This is going to be interesting. The first ever IWC Rap Battle will be taking place tonight between celebrated net author Scott Keith and the infamous Chris Hyatte.

Mojo: I seriously can’t stand either of these two.

(2) Rap Battle: Hyatte vs. Scott Keith

Derek: The rules of this are simple. Both men are given 2 minutes to deliver a blistering rap against their opponent. The fans will decide the winner at the end by cheering for their favorite. We decided to have a coin toss to see who went first, but Keith gave me a Canadian quarter and I couldn’t tell which side was f---ing heads or tails.

Scott Keith: You think that just because I'm Canadian that the words I sling ain't gonna hurt? 
I'll burn you worse than a Rhode Islander at a Great White concert 
Your Midnight News for 411 is nothing but a collection of now tired bits 
Highlighted by a Q & A done from a washed up Sunny with fat saggy tits 
You do write a second column for Flea, I guess that's not too shabby 
Too bad it's a bunch of pointless shit written like a dumbed down Dear Abby 
Whatever talent you had got left behind when you left Scoops so many years ago 
Now your work is the drizzling shits, churned out only to stroke your inflated ego 
And Another Thing...Oh, don't think for a second I forgot about it It's just like you Hyatte. 
A little pretentious, a lot of undue hype and completely full of shit!

Chris Hyatte then grabs the mic from Keith, clears his throat, and ATTACKS KEITH WITH THE MICROPHONE! A surprised Keith is easily bloodied by the maniacal Hyatte in a scene that looked like a hybrid version of Ralphie beating on Scut Farkus in A Christmas Story mixed with Mr. Blonde’s cutting off the cop’s ear in Reservoir Dogs. The carnage is only stopped when security rips Hyatte off Kieth.

Hyatte: I hate you mother f---er! You f---ing suck! I f---ed your mother you fat f--- and she was just a f---ing c--- like your f---ing sister!

Mojo: What is this? This is what ECW and the IWC has created, a generation of kids who curse like they're Andrew Dice Clay on the Morton Downey Jr. show

A black a white video of Dusty Giebink fills the screen. He’s sitting in a locker-room, Raven-like, with his head looking down at the floor.

Dusty: You know, there was a time, not long ago, that I looked up to Mike Sempervive. I read all his stuff. I looked forward, every Wednesday, to reading his TNA reviews. I read his Lounge column every Saturday. I made it a point to write to him every week I could, telling him how much I appreciated what he did and how I thought he did a good job. Well, that time is no more.

What is this, Mike? Trying to pass off MMA reviews as Lounge columns? Never returning my emails? Mistaking my jokes for seriousness on the VIP Forums? What, you don't like Aerosmith lyrics being posted? You don't like Aerosmith? Well, let me tell you something. Not only I am an 80s metal fan, but I'm also the future. I'm the future of the IWC. You've been hanging on for 80 years too long, you Triple H wannabe. You want to make fun of my relationship with Mike Roe? Saying he's my girlfriend. . .No, he's not my girlfriend. He's a fan of my work. You do know what a "fan" is, don't you? What I used to be to you. Everyone abandoned you a long time ago, no one writes to you anymore. Do you know why that is? Because you're washed up. You're a has been. A never was.

There was a time when I looked up to you. But that time has since passed. Move aside, let the future roll through. When I'm done with you, SEMP (mockingly), you'll be running for cover, with your tail tucked between your legs and a yellow streak painted across your back.

Derek: Now that was intense. Let’s go back to Pat McNeill at the bar and see if he has any last minute scoops.

Pat: Ummph. Munch.Umppph

Derek: Now that was disgusting. I don’t know who’s in our truck but they really need to stop cutting to Pat when he’s eating. I swear to God I saw something green in his mouth Bruce, what do you think that was Bruce? Guacamole?

Mojo: The only thing I see green around here is you, green with envy at Pat’s being higher than you in that stupid IWC 100.

Derek: What-ever. We gotta go kids. See you at the Rumble!

[Show Ends]