I disappeared into the back by myself for about ten minutes to regroup. After about five minutes of self-pity, Ken came around the corner to ask me how things were going. It was obvious how poorly things were indeed going so I didn't need to say much for Ken to understand. Being the standup guy that he is, Ken then gave me the greatest pep talk of my young life. After listening to Ken, I was a new man. No longer pathetic, no longer vulnerable. As though coming out of a huddle, I slapped Ken five, tossed my drink on the ground and marched into the ballroom for the final dance of the evening. My fortunes were about to change, and there was nothing anyone could do about it...

I marched triumphantly through the crowds, shoving anyone aside who stood in my way regardless of age or gender. The obnoxious local DJ, most of whom tend to think that they are enormous celebrities, thanked us for coming out and informed us that the last dance of the evening was about to begin. As the first notes to KC and JoJo's "All My Life" echoed through the ballroom, I locked my eyes on Meghan and hers soon became locked on mine. As I approached her, Meech approached from the other side as we raced to the sea beast, now drenched in sweat and smelling like an old tube sock. I arrived first, looked her square in the eye and asked her if I could have the last dance. "Well, I suppose JoeJoe" she said. Not the enthusiastic answer I was hoping for, but as I wrapped my arms around her slimy upper torso I didn't care. She put her head on my shoulder as we danced and for that moment, I was the happiest guy in the entire world.

"Can I cut in?". What the? Before I realized, Meghan's ex-boyfriend was beside us. The two dated for only a week and he was but a 16 year old sophomore with a mug almost as ugly as that of the seabeast herself. I grinned at him, hoping that he enjoyed the rejection that he was surely about to receive.

"OH MY GOD! I WOULD LOVE TO DANCE WITH YOU!" she howled.

"Run along JoeJoe".

"Run along JoeJoe".

"Run along JoeJoe".

I couldn't believe it. The last dance was ending, and I was standing alone as the girl I was so crazy about held another guy. As if the night couldn't possibly get any worse, as I walked off the dance floor literally near breakdown, Meech swung around me like a gorilla and pulls me out on to the dance floor. She then walked me over to two inches away from the spot where my prom date was dancing with another fellow and begins dancing with me. She looked me deep in the eyes and asked "I can tell when something is bothering you, what's wrong?". Now back when we were friends I used to confide in Michelle about how much I cared about Meghan and there the seabeast stood, two inches away from us gripping another man like he was the last dinner sausage. Obviously she knew what was bothering me, but I told her that I would rather not talk about it.

"Aren't they cute together?" she asked while gazing at Meghan and her sixteen your old former-beau. I don't know what she expected me to say to that, but the c-nt was obviously just trying to antagonize me. I then began to fume, asking her if she thought it was a little rude for Meghan to be dancing the last dance with someone besides her date.

"You are so selfish!" said Meech as she stormed off.

Alone, I retreated to the sidelines where I sat at an empty table and just stared off into space with the kind of murdered spirits that can only come after anticipating something for nearly a year and having it become a total disaster. I was soon joined by my friend Tim and Jaime (guy), both of whom weren't exactly hitting it off with their dates either. They were ok with it though and I should have been, but I wasn't. Tim nudged me and I looked up to see the blue whale hovering over the table.

"Great time huh JoeJoe!" squealed Meghan. "Listen JoeJoe, how do you want to go about paying for my souvenirs ?" she asked. I couldn't believe the gall of this woman, ignoring me for the entire evening and then asking me for money. I reached into my wallet, pulled out a fifty and threw it at her.

"Well isn't someone a pissypants tonight!" she said gleefully.

"I don't know how you can't just strangle that bitch" said Tim. He was right, but I was so blinded by the seabeast that I defended her. It was a sad day for The Bower.

In the distance, I saw Meghan showing off the money I had given her to MEECH as they both picked out a few keepsakes and paid for them with my money. Now normally when one's parents, siblings and friends all unanimously dislike a girl who you are pretend-dating, it's time to find someone new, but I just shook my head as they squandered my money.

We were all amongst the last to leave as Ken, Tim, Nick, Jaime, Mike, Sean and I sat around a large table without our dates spending some time together. I slowly began to cheer up at this point listening to some of the stories that my friends told about their dates this evening, but they could laugh at themselves, I couldn't. Slowly we gathered our belongings and started to head towards the limo. Meghan and Meech where nowhere in sight and for once I preferred it that way.

I climbed into the limo, shooting towards the wall so I wouldn't have to worry about the possibility of Meghan sitting beside me. As Ken began to climb into the limo, he was displaced by the seabeast flopping through the door like a beached whale trying to reenter the ocean. Though I had my head down, the stench of sweat, urine and an ugly blue dress kept creeping closer. As I looked up, she sat beside me smiling the kind of crooked smile that could only come from such a monster. Now that we were temporarily alone, she came closer and whispered the following words in my ear:

"I love you JoeJoe, I'm so glad you could be my date for senior prom".

I was irate though happy at the same time, but under my breath I muttered "I thought Michelle was your date?".

"WHAT?" she screamed beat read with her eyes popping out of her slightly deformed head. "WHAT DID YOU SAY JOEJOE".

"Nothing Meggie" I said as my penis slowly began turning into a vagina.

Meech had decided to get a ride back with some friends and no one else in the limo liked Meghan, so I was her only source of entertainment now, causing her to actually care what I was doing. Meghan peered around the limo with her black, beady fish eyes and howled "Did everybody have a good time...AT THE SENIOR PROM!?!?".

She was met with a collage of dead silence and death glares. Luckily my friends have since forgiven me, but I decided that chivalry would be the way to her heart and scolded the group saying "I believe my date just asked you a question".

"It sure was Super Meghan" Ken shouted sarcastically.

When we arrived back at where our cars were parked, we all finalized plans to go over to a friends house and drink until the sun came up. I had never touched a beer in my life as I ran with a pretty clean crowd during high school, but I was ready and if there ever was a night that I needed it, it was tonight. Meghan climbed into my car and for the first time all evening, we were alone. The next ten miles would prove to be the longest of my life, a record which still stands. I sped like the wind as we sat in total silence. She knew I was not happy with her, and in the minds of most females, this means that they should simply be twice as unhappy with you so that YOU should be the one to feel bad even though you didn't do anything.

As we approached a tollbooth, I broke the silence and asked her if she had fifty cents so that I wouldn't have to find my wallet in my tux. "Do I look like I'm made of money Joey!" she snarled loudly, "You're such a freeloader". Now after I had spent close to $500 of my own minimum wage dollars on the bitch in one night and despite the fact that even though we weren't together, I always paid for whatever it was we did, she had the nerve to call ME a freeloader. I was livid, but I kept my mouth shut as she handed me two quarters and shouted at me that I better pay her back.

As we crossed the bridge over the calm, moonlight river, I had nothing to lose. I had to tell her what I couldn't tell her in person since we met. The time was now. I looked her in the eye as we floated over the river and poured my heart out to her. I told her everything. I told her how she was all I thought about when I laid awake at night, and how not a second goes by that I didn't wish that she was mine. Just as we were exiting the bridge, I took my eyes off of the road and looked deep into hers and said "Meghan...I love..." RIIIIIIINNNGGGG RINNNGGGGGG. Meghan's cellphone was ringing and because she only had one friend, I knew who it was. "Meghan Please" I said. "As I was saying...I love..."

"CAN IT JoeJoe I'm on the phone. JESUS YOU ARE RUDE!"

"CAN IT JoeJoe I'm on the phone. JESUS YOU ARE RUDE!"

"CAN IT JoeJoe I'm on the phone. JESUS YOU ARE RUDE!"

When telling my friends about this moment in time months later, they all said that they would have turned around and thrown her off the bridge. Looking back, I wish I would have.

When we arrived at our friend's house, two cases of beer and two handles of Smirnoff were laying out in the kitchen with a bunch of food and a card from our friend's Mom telling us to enjoy it safely. Obviously she wasn't talking about the turkey rolls and we were all ready for some safe enjoyment. But first, the men would retreat to the back and get some of the Costa Rican cigars our friend had recently brought back from the area for us.

We retreated back to the kitchen like Kings, ready to light up our cigars with a cold screwdriver by our sides. What we saw when we returned could have very well ended with murder. Meghan, with a devilish twinkle in her eyes, was pouring Smirnoff straight down the drain. She had already emptied an entire handle and was about a third of the way down on the second when Tim's date grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the floor.

I swooped down and tried to scoop her up in my arms and carry her to the sofa to attend to her, but unfortunately I hadn't been doing enough cow presses and couldn't scrape her off the ground. People giggled, but just long enough to remember that she had just wasted thirty dollars worth of liquor, a commodity that was nearly impossible to come by at our age.

"WHAT THE F-CK IS WRONG WITH YOU" shouted someone.

"You see" she said, "When I was at camp, we used to sip grape juice and pretend like it was alcohol. It's so much healthier, plus it's not against the law!". She then reached into her night bag and bulled out two jugs of Welch's grape juice as though it were the holy grail with a giant, shit eating grin on her face. My friends were closing in on her, and they were ready to attack.

"Hey fellas, let's at least give it a try before we judge" I said. The look of disappointment on my friends faces still haunts me to this day, but for the next two hours I sat in the corner with Meghan sipping grape juice and pretending to be drunk in what I would classify amongst the lowest points of my life.

When she finally fell asleep, I hit the dock on the canal with the rest of my guy friends and smoked and drank my first two beers. Because they were my first ever, I got pretty lit from them though I didn't particularly enjoy the taste at the time. Prom night was over and although I knew it would be the night that Meghan and I finally got together, it ended up being one of the worst nights I could ever recall. My friends joked that I should throw her in the canal, but looking back she likely would have just eaten some plankton and resurfaced. We sat on that dock until 6am while our dates slept and when the sun came up, we hit the local Denny's and got some breakfast.

When we returned, Meghan was gone and had been gone since 4am according to Ken's then girlfriend. Apparently as soon as I hit the dock, she miraculously sprung from bed where Meech was waiting to pick her up and take her to an undisclosed location which I later learned was her ex-boyfriends house.

When I find this out, it hit me like a load of bricks. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even think straight, however I knew one thing...someday she would be mine!

To be continued…..

Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.