As lockers were emptied and college acceptances were anxiously awaited, Graduation came.

It was everything I thought it would be. It was sad, it has happy and it was amazing to finally make our escapes from High School into a life where we made the calls. However, my obsession with Meghan hung over the entire milestone like a black cloud.

Whether it the night of the baccalaureate dinner, Senior trip or the all night lock in after graduation, with each event that came I told myself it would be the night that I finally tasted the scales of the sea beast and as each event came to a close I found myself progressively more upset.

When school and the endless stream of graduation events finally came to a close, I really didn't know what the future would hold for Meghan and I. Would she still even have any desire to see me? While we spoke on the phone for hours every single night, my in-person presence was always met with the enthusiasm of Polio. The answer to these questions and many more would soon be answered in dramatic, painful fashion.

Meghan and I would hang out, but she would only seem willing if it was with me and my group of friends. My group of friends didn't like her, yet she so desperately wanted to be included that she would use me as her all access pass, a situation I gleefully complied to. When she was around the group she would completely ignore me for the most part, making dreadful jokes and giggling like the town swine while her convulsing would cause her head to bounce, releasing the scent of urine and mildew from her hair into the air. Every five minutes I would grow moody that she was ignoring me and pull her outside. "Meghan, you're completely ignoring me. Are you mad at me?" I would ask. "JoeJoe, I don't have time for this, I have to get back to my friends".

Spearheaded by Ken, my friends began referring to her as "The Pelvis" because her uterus area ballooned out as though it were pregnant with twin sea beasts. Sometimes, she accidentally caught them using this name and, not knowing who they were referring to, cackled along, saying things like "The Pelvis, what a loser!". I would turn around and shoot my friends horrible looks.

The summer went on like this with everyone telling me that I had to move on before I drove myself to jumping off of a balcony, but I didn't listen. I knew that soon she would mine and soon I would be trolling through her trousers, hopefully not discovering the penis that she was rumored to have. And then that special moment came.

"JoeJoe, how about me and you go on a special date tomorrow night. Just the two of us" she said softly late one evening on the phone.

I was ecstatic. I saw it as her finally reaching out to me as more than friends and I was intent to make this perfect. I told her how happy I was and we set the date for 7:30PM sharp the next night.

The next day, I spent the entire day making sure that everything was perfect. I had some nice clothes dry cleaned, made reservations at the best place in town and, not learning my lesson the first time, I picked her up a bouquet of overpriced flowers. At 7:25, I arrived in her neighborhood and nervously I circled the block until 7:29. As I approached the door, looking like a million dollars with an arrangement of flowers just for her, I knocked.

As Meghan opened the door, that all-too-familiar outhouse scent comforted me, but when I gazed at her I knew something was wrong. Wearing her scraggly pajamas and spectacles, she looked at me puzzled and said "What are you doing silly boy!". "Our date?" I replied.

"Oh sorry JoeJoe, I forgot to tell you. I don't want to go anymore".

"Oh sorry JoeJoe, I forgot to tell you. I don't want to go anymore".

"Oh sorry JoeJoe, I forgot to tell you. I don't want to go anymore".

"Oh...Oh ok" I said dejectedly. "Why...why...not?" I asked.

"MEECH asked me to rent movies with her instead and I would rather do that."

"Oh, I can go get the popcorn if you want me to" I said.

"Oh, you're not invited, sorry" she howled.

As the door began closing on my face, I reached my arm through with the flowers. "No, thanks" she said as she forcibly shoved my arm out of the door. All of the horrible feelings from prom were not going away, and I desperately needed to do something.

That evening, Ken and I went to the beach with our friend Jason. Florida summer nights on the beach are always busy and eventful, and this one would prove to be far more so than I could have possibly imagined. Ken, Jason and I headed out at around 10pm and parked under the bridge. We had only intended to take a few laps around the boardwalk to look for a friend, but soon we found ourselves on the pier. It was the same pier that I had walked with Meghan many times, the same pier on which we almost got killed by knife wielding Hispanics and the same pier where many childhood memories rested. We took a seat and began talking about the good times we had had fondly, knowing soon we would all be headed our separate ways. As we talked, three girls began moving towards us in the distance. Adultery Anderon leered at the blonde, Jason at the redhead and I at the brunette.

As this point in our lives, we had about as much game as legless soccer player, but we swallowed our collective Adams apples as they approached. Before long, we had them engaged in a series of conversations so bizarre that God himself must have been smiling down on us that evening. We moved off the peer together and the six of us sat on the patio of a closed restaurant until the sun came up, getting to know each other and encountering a barrage of unusual characters including a on old German man who wandered the beach at night telling anti-Semitic jokes to anyone who would listen. The time was now 7am and Ken, Jason and I made plans to see the buxom young tarts again the next day before heading back to our homes for some much needed sleep.

The next morning, Meghan called me and demanded to know why I didn't call her the last evening before bed. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked. "DON'T TRY TO TURN THIS AROUND ON ME JOEJOE! You have some serious making up to do" she snorted. I apologized profusely and told her that I had fallen asleep watching television and not awoken until the morning. She then told me that I needed to think about what I had done and hung up on me. I couldn't believe it. I was hurt, but Jay Bower had a date this evening!

I deliberated over what to wear endlessly, eventually settling for an ugly yellow Tommy Hillfiger shirt and some drawstring khaki shorts. As Ken and I met Jason for some early dinner, we salivated over our evening plans. With nervous anxiety in our eyes, we finished our Perkins feast and headed towards the beach.

When we arrived, the nerves were kicking in full force for this young man, but confidently we strutted down the pier to claim our prize. At the end of the pier we saw them, three young peaches with our names on them. Again we all returned to the empty restaurant who's deck played host to our enchanting ocean evening the night before. Unaware as to whether these girls actually *gasp* liked us or whether they just thought that we were funny guys, we continued to put on a show for them. Soon, the girl Ken was courting asked if we wanted to go for a walk on the beach.

We all agreed and walked beside our selected woman as we marched down the sandy starlit path like kings. My date hooked her arm in mine and finally starting to show some semblance of courage with a woman, I grabbed her hand as Ken and Jason teased their dates with the camcorder that they had brought along.

Before long, my date started slowing down as though she wanted to lose the group. I complied and before long, they were out of site as we wrapped our arms around each other. From Kentucky, she referred to me as Florida and asked "Hey Florida, how about you kiss me". I thought long and hard about it before complying and before long, we were engaged in tonsil hockey. Her breathe was foul beyond belief, but when her tongue entered my mouth like the hungry Sarloc Pit Monster, I felt I was on the verge of gagging momentarily as it had the consistency of waterlogged eggplant. However, she was cute and I was ornery so we continued. As we continued to embrace and I said silly things like "Why is it that fate has to bring strangers for 2,000 miles apart together", my pager slowly began to come alive. 402 it read, her pager code which was obviously taken from her nearest scale. I ignored it and continued with Becky. Soon it began to go off again, and again and again. Someone had tipped off the sea beast as to my whereabouts, and I was now a dead man. After about fifteen minutes of amorous behavior, the girl led me to a secluded beach recliner and we sat down together.

What happened next would go on to become one of my greatest tales at ScaryMidgets.com. She began unzipping my pants and before I realized, she had a junior Internet Wrestling Celebrity® in her hand. As my pager continued to explode with 402-911's, her face was hovering over my nether regions and after roughly thirty seconds, I became 2 oz's lighter. I felt the need to return the favor, so I reached into her drawers and placed my hand upon the moist clam within. Truth be told I had just turned 18 and never once actually touched a woman's vagina, so it was all a mystery to me. The only clue I had was what I had seen from the two porno's I had locked away in my closet. Touching my hand to her loins, I began flapping my hand maniacally touching a little bit of everything. Looking back on the scene I laugh maniacally, but she seemed to enjoy the full hand flap or she was mighty good at pretending. After about 45 seconds of pure delight, I saw a red light followed by the parting of bushes and Ken and Jason's return. "We've been looking for you for an hour, you scared us dude". Annoyed by my friends interruption but relieved that I didn't have to try and flap her to climax, I quickly pulled her skirt back down and said that we had fallen asleep.

We all went to the Waffle House for a quick 5am meal and before we knew it, we were saying goodbye to our dates who were headed back home in a few hours. I exchanged addresses with my date and kissed her goodbye. She has written a few letters since which I might scan for the grand finale, but though I meant to write back, I never got around to it. We all got some sleep and in fact, I slept until 4pm the next day completely forgetting to call Meghan back. I felt horrible. My woman had left town and now I realized that I needed Meghan more than ever. I tried to call her, but her Mom informed us that she had gone out to the beach looking for me. Terrified that she would find out, I tried to call her cell phone repeatedly but had no luck either.

Rinnnnng. Rinnnnng. "Hey Jay, It's Jason...We are all going out to Katie's place at the beach, you should come". Our friend Katie s one of our oldest and I always look for a chance to get out to the beach, so I told Ken and we headed out. When we arrived, I saw something that surprised me. About fifteen of my best friends in the world were all sitting around the living room. Ken and I received a surprise party type welcome and when we arrived, Jason sat me down and told me that there was something that I needed to see. As he hit play, the screen filled with a shot of me flapping my hand maniacally within her skirt with the kind of facial expression that Albert Fish surely must have had while dicing up his victims. Neither of our genitals were showing thankfully and truth be told, I wasn't upset that he showed it as we all relished any opportunity to embarrass each other. My friends laughed hysterically and as it was cued up for a second showing, the door swung open.

"Katie...HAVE YOU SEEN JOEJOE?" howled Meghan.

Meghan scanned the room like a buzzard and spotted me. She looked me dead in the eyes for a second before the video began playing. As she turned her deformed head towards the screen, a scene of my flapping around in another girl's skirt lit up her face like lightning. Someone quickly stopped the tape.

Slowly and deliberately, the sea beast turned towards me and turned blood red.

"JoeJOOOOOEEEEEEE!"

"JoeJOOOOOEEEEEEE!"

"JoeJOOOOOEEEEEEE!"

As I saw my life flash before my eyes, she began dashing towards me like a Velociraptor.

To be continued…..

Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.